About

I was 17 when I had a vision for my life. It wasn’t a supernatural thing, as far as I could tell. I believed or more so rather wanted that by the age of 25 that I would be married and a Pastor. I could not have been more wrong.

 

I was 18 when I wanted to steadfastly find my place in God’s plan after going through this personal spiritual revival. I got involved in Campus Ministry, Youth Bible Camp, and Church Sunday School Teaching. There are such precious memories in those years that I will hold dear for probably the rest of my life. At the same time, there are probably people I will never associate with again.

 

I was 23 when a Christian mentor and man that I had admired from afar had told me to get ordained. This was during the summer of 2018. He said this to me while being at a camp called Standing Stones. I suspect he had been watching my ministry from afar. While most would have jumped for joy to have earned the respect of one of their respected leaders of the faith, I wept. I wept because I had learned at 5 years into ministry what I believe most devout Christians learn about Ministry. Ministry can be full of people, while at the same time be deeply empty of community.

 

Finally, it came to fruition. I was at a church service on December 23,2018 in Coon Rapids, Minnesota. I waited until the service had begun its introductions and was moving towards perhaps worship music to be played by its team. I had gotten up during the short intermission. I began walking for the doors. I waved to someone I had believed was my brother and walked out. I walked away from the momentum of 5 years of ministry and having a name of an upcoming preacher. I walked away quietly in my bitterness, my aloneness, and what would be the beginning of a personal wilderness. 

 

Yet, despite my leaving, I repeat the heart of what Psalm 139 says in verses 7-10. Lord Jesus, I can not hide from you. As far as the uninhabited seas, as far as the furthest reaches of the morning sun beams, and even among the dead. Lord, you find me. 

 

Psalm 139:7–10 (LSB)

 

          7       Where can I go from Your Spirit? 

         Or where can I flee from Your presence? 

               8       If I ascend to heaven, You are there; 

         If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. 

               9       If I lift up the wings of the dawn, 

         If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, 

               10       Even there Your hand will lead me, 

         And Your right hand will lay hold of me.

 

Many of you may wonder why I’ve begun this blog. It is simply because of this: that even when we feel that the church is failing, our knowledge of God is feeling futile and weak, and finally our faith is just a whisper of a breath to being blown out. We are not alone and we are not without help. 

 

Yes, the temptation is there to give into answers that are against the Word of God. Yes, the pleasures of the world are there to get us to give up our devotion to Jesus even if just for a moment. And, finally yes, when it feels like YAHWEH himself has brought us to a desert to starve even and therefore die. 

 

May I and this blog be a witness in my own way to say, “Yes. There is bread."